I call out
To my shadow
It moves on
Taking my place
In your reality
A sham
A fictitious version
Of myself
Of who I am
I'm here
But I'm hidden
Within
So invisible
Even I've forgotten
I exist
I've become my shadow
To escape your reality
To escape to my own
My substitution
Where I'm good enough
Where I'm visible
But it fades to black
And I'm left broken
And alone
A shadow of myself
A reflection
In your reality














Devious Comments
I always think 'show, don't tell' when it comes to poetry.
Lastly, I'm not sure what the lack of punctuation is doing for the poem.
Like I say, I think you've got some good foundations here. give it a rehash and make it brilliant!
--
Refuse to set limits, aim beyond the sky
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most
i love the idea as well!
--
"Some friendships are made by nature, some by contract, some by interest, and some by souls."
-Jeremy Tayor
Christ has already overcome the world!
~John 16:33~
Ces't la vie
--
Refuse to set limits, aim beyond the sky
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most
--
"Some friendships are made by nature, some by contract, some by interest, and some by souls."
-Jeremy Tayor
Christ has already overcome the world!
~John 16:33~
Ces't la vie
So I guess that echoes how you were feeling not too long ago huh? I was feeling that way again today...it's just so sad...
Great work on this though!
--
"Ignore me if you see me, cause I just don't give a sh*t."~Cobra Starship, The City Is At War "Do you know who I am? Good, neither do I You can hate me, after you pay me!"~Cobra Starship, "Prostitution Is the Oldest
--
Refuse to set limits, aim beyond the sky
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most
--
Refuse to set limits, aim beyond the sky
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most
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